A Lifetime of Cold Beds and Memories
by frilencer
Summary: She's a little girl when she finds out that she can shield herself from the outside world with the blankets on her bed. When he's a child, he falls asleep listening to his mother's stories. As they grow up and beds turn from shelters into cold places, there's one thing they both hope to find under the covers: real warmth.


**I've always loved writing stories that deal with either Tony's or Ziva's past, present and future, but in this oneshot I wanted to write about them both. It starts from their childhood and ends in what I'd love to be the future for these two characters... I hope you'll like it :)**_  
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**Disclaimer: the characters belong to CBS even though I call them "my babies"  
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_A Lifetime of Cold Beds and Memories_

She's just a little child when she finds out that she can shield herself from the outside world with the blankets on her bed. She hides from the monsters in her room by covering her whole body with the sheet, and only her eyes peep out to take a look at the frightening world.

When she hears whispered screams coming from downstairs, she holds Bunny tight in her arms, but not for too long because she's afraid he will choke. Sometimes, she buries her head under the pillow so that she can only hear the throbbing of her heart, while all the other sounds fade away, leaving her alone.

One night, though, when she's old enough to know that monsters don't exist – at least not in her bedroom -, a little intruder climbs up her bed and slips in her safe shelter. "Tali," Ziva whines when she feels her sister's body beside hers; but in the end she shifts position to clear some space for her. Tali nuzzles up against Ziva, who lets her stay there, despite her little cold feet and the snoring, and from that moment on that bed becomes a shelter for them both.

* * *

Every night, he falls asleep listening to his mother's voice that tells him the story of the last movie she's watched. She makes him laugh with her funny expressions and she knows when to insert pauses to create suspense; in Tony's eyes, she's the best storyteller in the world. He forgives her for all the stupid clothes she forces him to wear, for all the things she doesn't let him do: at night, he considers the stories worth the limits she imposes to his freedom, and he lets her cuddle him and frighten him, he lets her be the queen of his bedroom until he sinks into sleep.

One day, the queen dies and there's no one else who can light up his nights anymore. His father drags him around the world, from one unknown bed to another, and he falls asleep alone, with no one who tucks him in. His father is always in someone else's room, in someone else's bed, and Tony misses the warmth of a body beside his, the laughter that used to ring out in the darkness, the stories that would make him open his eyes wide; but above all he misses his mother's smile, so tender and gentle, a smile that could brighten up even the worst days.

He knows those nights are lost forever, he knows he has lost her forever, and piece by piece he starts losing himself in the darkness too.

* * *

She regrets all those times she elbowed Tali when she stole a little too much space of Ziva's bed. She regrets all those time she sent her to her own bed because she was angry or just too tired to have her little sister under her feet. She misses the warmth of Tali's body and even the cold of her feet, and she wishes she still had her nuzzled up against her back. She thinks of all those nights when her sister found refuge under the covers and told her of her day at school – the bickering with her best friend, that boy that wouldn't take his eyes off her… She wishes she could still hear that voice at night, the only voice she would allow to break the beautiful silence of darkness.

Now the bed is too empty for Ziva and she ceaselessly shifts position under those blankets. There's too much room for a single person here, she thinks, there's too much space for just her. Her sister's scent won't go away, it has permeated the sheets, stronger than any cleanser.

After Tali's death, Ziva plunges into her work at Mossad and starts traveling around the world until she spends so much time away that she can't call Israel home anymore. Every night, she sleeps in a different bed, in different sheets, and she wakes up with a different sight in front of her eyes. Nothing is familiar, nothing reminds her of home, but at least she's far away from where the memories sleep and the wind grieves over the empty saddle of the swing.

Unloved men slips in her bed now, and their odor is obtrusive, it's rubbed in her skin until she has a shower and frees herself from the unwanted presence. She wakes in the morning and sees the body on the mattress – that body she has kissed and licked - and she wishes she could run away. Thankfully, the following night she gets to sleep in another hotel, in another bed, and changing her overnight stay becomes for her a chance to shun the smell and the sweat that remain soaked in the sheets.

Sometimes, desired men are welcomed in her bed, but soon they go away, they never stay for too long, intimidated by her irrepressible passion, maybe, or maybe just scared by her skeletons, which seem to sleep under her blankets instead of resting in a closet.

After a while, she leaves too. She takes another plane, conquers another bed; but her reign only lasts a couple of nights, and soon her castle of sheets gets washed and is given to another guest. Just like this, everything ends, nothing stays with her, only memories and instructions about her new job.

* * *

His wooden bed is the perfect hiding place for his magazines: he puts them on the floor, concealed in the dark, and when his father opens the door without knocking, he's fast enough to slip them under the pillow without being seen.

On boarding school, though, he realizes that those magazines don't have to be hidden forever: he and his friends spend hours and hours at night looking at them while joking and laughing, and Tony's bed becomes the gathering place of all his pals.

Years pass and he turns into the king of night: countless girls offer him some space in their bed and being in his own covers becomes a sign of his lack of luck that night. Every now and then he has a relationship that threatens to turn into a serious one, but something always happens, something always changes the curse of events, and he finds himself surrounded by a thousand girls once again.

He gets used to exploring different bodies, he gets used to seeing a different sight when he opens his eyes in the morning. The sun burns his skin and he smiles, turns and looks at the naked girl beside him and what he sees it's enough to fill him with joy.

But then one day it's not enough anymore. He lies alone in his bed at night, stares at the darkness and knows that something is missing. He wakes up in the morning and sees the empty space in his bed, but he doesn't miss the girls, he doesn't miss the pale arms and the blonde scattered hair on the pillow. Those bodies made him shiver, laugh and moan, but he needs to feel a different warmth on his skin now, a warmth that simple passion is unable to give him.

And he keeps lying there, waiting for that space to be filled.

* * *

At first it feels like just another bed, but soon her American sheets give her the comfort she's been looking for all these years. There's peace, under those covers, and she inhales only her own scent when she breathes in. Life offers her new opportunities and she welcomes what she's given with open arms. There's always the same sight to bid her good morning, always the same light that pierces through the curtains when she allows herself to sleep a little more.

She lets men slips in her bed – men that she likes, men that she loves – and finds quietness in their arms, lets her defenses falls down when she's kissed. But they still go away, either dead or as traitors, and in the end she finds herself alone once again, looking at her own life, wondering if there will only be cold beds for her.

When she's starting to accept that she won't know warmth except that of the quilt in winter, he takes her hand and walks her to his bed, then he kisses her tenderly just like he did a few days earlier when their eyes met and the truth slid off their lips. They make love that night, and his scent enters her nostrils and makes her shiver with pleasure, her curves fill his eyes with an unrestrained joy.

In the morning, Ziva wakes and sees an unfamiliar light, but she isn't afraid of the unknown anymore. She turns and looks at Tony's body beside hers and smiles, then she leans forward to kiss the corner of his lips softly. He wakes too and can't repress the grin that rises on his lips. He puts his arm around her and holds her tight: her warmth is just what he needs to let himself lie in peace.

From that day on, she's beside him every time he opens his eyes, and he discovers that this sight is enough for him to be happy. She seems to be made to fill the empty space in his bed, and the mattress preserves the shape of her body until night, when she lies again between those sheets and crushes her nose against his cheek, laughing with amusement when he whispers "good night", because they both know they won't sleep.


End file.
